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Anyone can become enraged once in a while. But if you feel rage boiling within almost constantly, or rage erupts from you frequently, you may have an organic illness.
On the other hand, you might have suffered some terrible injustice as a child.
One major, but largely ignored, category of such abuse is that of boys emotionally, physically, or sexually damaged by women.
This abuse is not only widespread but may be at the root of much subsequent abuse of women by men.
A little boy abused by a woman suffers in similar ways to a little girl abused by a man.
In recent times it has become acceptable for women to speak out about the abuse they suffered as children; most men feel no such permission is given to them about the abuse they suffered as little boys at the hands of women. These men are ashamed, and enraged.
They are enraged because society accepts that men can be angry but there is less acceptance for the male victims' feelings of hurt, fear, inadequacy, guilt, embarrassment, and especially weakness and vulnerability.
A male victim smothers these emotions with anger. In this way, he preserves his masculine image. But the cost is enormous.
A man unaware of the deep sources of his anger will, at the least, have troubled relationships with women; at the worst, he may rape and mutilate.
A male victim of childhood sexual abuse by women displays the following behavior as an adult:
>> Distrust of women.
>> Fear of intimacy.
>> No separate identity.
>> Readily feels guilt.
>> Hard time to accept compliments.
>> Holds back emotions.
>> Protects abuser(s).
>> Sexual difficulties.
>> Seeks abuser's approval.
>> Constantly apologises.
>> Fearful.
>> Eager to care for others.
>> Joyless. (Adapted from Blanchard, 1987*)
The lousy feelings often erupt as rage. Ronald sought professional help to change his vicious behavior toward his wife, Helen.
Ronald would arrive home disgruntled after a disappointing day (every day was disappointing) in the architectural office where he worked, and an hour's drive to the suburb.
Before long, he would be kicking Helen. There was always some pretext for the kicks. (Helen did not have supper ready, or she was on the phone, or she wore a dress he hated...). Ronald never used his fists. Always his legs. He despaired of his uncontrollable rage because he believed that “Helen was the best thing that had ever happened to me.”
As Ronald talked more about his life, his hostility to almost everyone became evident. He was jealous of his brothers, sneered at their choices of wives, hated his job where he felt put upon, especially by female colleagues.
When Ronald spoke about his mother, he whined. Long stories of how she favored one or other of his brothers, how he cringed in her presence, how he avoided visits to her house yet was jealous of her contacts with his siblings. Ronald was convinced his mother preferred one of his nephews, adding bitterly, “Though my son was the first grandchild.”
Hypnotherapy Heals the Hurt and the Rage
Within the comfort of hypnosis Ronald was able to connect his present-day woes with unpleasant incidents in his childhood.
This was accomplished with what hypnotherapists call an “affect link.” You allow yourself to feel a particular emotion, such as grief. As you continue to experience the feeling, the hypnotherapist asks you to recall an earlier time when you felt the same way. Ronald's confused mix of bitterness, rage and sense of abandonment, swiftly drew up a memory of his mother:
“I'm six years old. Mummy keeps telling me I'm her favorite. She tells me to come into her bed. It's warm there. I fall asleep, snuggled beside her. I wake up. She's moving my leg up and down over this hairy place between her legs. She's breathing funny. I'm scared. [Sobs]. She opens her eyes a little and tells me it's okay. My knee is wet. I try to pull away but she holds onto me, tells me to be a good boy, do this for Mummy. She seems out of breath. I'm scared. Then she shakes and cries out. I'm even more scared and I feel bad, like something's really wrong. I ask Mummy if she's all right. She turns to me with a big smile, hugs me and says I'm her little man and everything is fine. [More sobs, reddening of face].
“But everything is not fine. I don't understand. Mummy tells me this will be our special secret. She seems happy. And she likes me best. So I keep quiet. And whenever she asks me I let her use my leg to rub her where she wants. [Later Ronald described other sexual activity his mother initiated]. I begin to like it, too. When I get old enough to have an erection, Mummy plays with my penis. I really like that. But at the same time it feels kind of weird. This stuff went on till I was eleven. I found out at school what sex was supposed to be, and how bad it was what Mummy and me had been doing. I felt sick.”
With psychotherapy while he relaxed in hypnosis, Ronald made some progress toward a healthier life, and control of his rage.
Unfortunately, his wife sabotaged the treatment. Ronald, like many sexually abused victims, had (unconsciously) sought out a woman who would continue the abuse he had suffered as a child.
Helen had made no secret of her broad sexual experience prior to meeting Ronald; indeed, she was proud of it. But her knowledge of the carnal world and his relative innocence (sex with only one woman: his mother) repeated the power pattern Ronald had suffered as a boy.
When Helen saw that Ronald was learning to control his rage, to lessen his hostile attitude and to relax, she counterattacked. Helen had married Ronald because (unconsciously) she wanted a man she could dominate and despise. His therapy threatened to upset the delicate dance of danger they had created.
Ronald was swiftly reduced to a sniveling, angry puppet when Helen sneered at his progress and repeatedly reminded him of what a Mummy's boy he had been.
A final blow bounced Ronald out of therapy: Helen telephoned the therapist, discussed Ronald's history, and insisted the therapist not mention her call to Ronald. The following week Helen casually mentioned to Ronald something the therapist had said to her. Ronald felt betrayed [he was] and never returned to therapy.
You may be doing very well with hypnotherapy when a friend or relative sabotages your progress. This is not usually as dramatic or underhanded as Helen's behavior. The disruption comes in the form of doubt. Your friend may question the effectiveness of hypnosis, and cite the many hypnosis myths that still pollute our minds.
Once doubt is planted, hypnosis ends. Doubt and fear keep us from relaxation. And relaxation is the route into hypnotherapy.
Dennis, like Ronald, suffered fits of rage. Unlike Ronald, Dennis took these fits out on himself. He would tremble, and shake, and sweat and fear he was about to pass out. Dennis knew his ambition to become a police officer would never be realized unless he got over these fits. Like Ronald, he had troubled relationships with women.
Unlike Ronald, Dennis had slept with dozens of women. All his longer-term relationships collapsed over an aspect of jealousy, his or hers. Didn't matter. Dennis could not trust a woman.
Dennis deliberately sought out a male psychotherapist who sometimes used hypnosis. But so scared was Dennis of going into hypnosis, that he spent several sessions in traditional psychotherapy before he had plucked up enough courage to try hypnosis.
Mothers Are Not The Only Women Who Abuse Little Boys
As far as Dennis knew, he had not been molested by his mother. Actually, he was not even sure who his biological mother was. He had been born into a large, extended criminal family. He had lived in seven different homes by the time he was five. All but one were homes of his aunts, cousins or siblings. He got used to calling each aunt in turn “mother.” The woman listed on his birth certificate showed no more, and no less, maternal interest in Dennis than did any of her sisters who raised him.
From as far back as he could remember, Dennis had been abused: abandoned, ignored, ill-fed, beaten, locked in a closet.
The therapist helped Dennis sort out the multitude of feelings that swirled within him.
Finally, Dennis said he was ready to try hypnosis. He was still frightened, despite the therapist's explanations about the safety of the process. But it was not hypnosis itself that Dennis feared; it was what might be uncovered.
In one way, he was right to be wary. But what was uncovered, awful as it was, freed Dennis from the last symbolic chains that linked him to his abusive family and their criminal ways.
In hypnosis, Dennis traced his attacks of trembling to some disgusting sexual behavior of one of his aunts when he was about four. What she had done to him and with him amounted to torture. It had been so horrible he had repressed the details for years, though “I knew something had happened; I just didn't know what.”
Now that he knew what lay at the root of his rage and his attacks, Dennis was able to let go of them. He felt forgiveness for his aunt because he knew of her own dreadful background. It was as if to know what she had done liberated Dennis from any lingering loyalty to his criminal relatives (all of whom were involved in drug deals, prostitution, extortion, etc.).
Now Dennis felt fully comfortable with his decision to apply to the local police training college.
*Blanchard, Geral. (1987). Male Victims of Child Sexual Abuse: A Portent of Things to Come, Journal of Independent Social Work, 1-1, 19-27.
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‘Big Chest and the Lion’ [Prelude to After Eve II: Big Chest]
By Dennis L. Siluk
The Man-eaters, as they were known, otherwise called the lions, jaguars, tigers of the ancient days, were not much different than, the new breed, so named by Short-legs as “The Stone-Builder’s,” the reason being, they had no second thoughts about killing the members of the Horde, nor the Branch-People; rather they seemed to harbor thoughts and acts as if they were summoned to do so, a duty that had to be announced; thus, all the inhabitants in these two areas were beastly trophies to them. The Folk in the Horde, along with several others of the Branch-People were terrified in a way of the new invaders of the land, the new neighbors, and their fathomless predator style of hunting. They were a threat more serious than the famine or the plague that had vanquished the land in the past.
◊
I had seen one time Big-chest walk into a campsite of theirs, the Stone-Builders that is, I tried to tell this story to my brother Stern-toes, once, but I never could explain it right, but I think he got the jest of it, if not the seriousness, we did both laugh at the Stone-builders for hours on end, afterwards. As I was about to say, Short-legs and Little-eyes witnessed this whole happening from a distance of course. The Stone-Builders were full of what they called ‘wone, or wine,” something along that order, some sounds take me back a bit, they had new sounds all the time, ones never heard of before their arrival on the scene. Well, Big-chest, noticed in the evening, they had killed a man-either; there were four of them at a campfire, just laughing, and drinking, and being playful like a group of little cubs. Actually they did get a little over physical with one another, like the wild boars after one of us, wanting to eat us for dinner, and then settled down again. It was winter so there was a chill in the air, and not much leafy trees to hide us, but we remained in the distant woods nonetheless, with a pile of leaves at our knees in case we needed to camouflage ourselves more.
As always, Big-chest was confident of his abilities, he stood in the woods, no shadow, just a big blob of muscle, fuzzy hair and sharp beady small squinty eyes, pinned on the four individuals, and their lion. He was actually blocking our vision a bit, but I think he did that because he wanted to show his audience, who was the king. Then unsuspected, he walked into the camp, among the four, he had seen their weapons by the fire, where the lion was. He was swaying his body like huge trees in a storm. Closer and closer he came to the fire, no one noticed, can’t figure it out, could they not hear him, for I could, way back in the woods. His fingers almost touching the ground, he had long thick arms, fingers, and perturbing muscles. Then all of a sudden two of the four turned their necks to see what was in back of them, and almost went into shock, the other two stood up, all four were some fifteen feet from their weapons. The two who were squatting, were closest to the fire, the other two where a little farther away, standing, I think one was releasing himself, he made a puddle and was trying to cover it up, we just went, wherever, and whenever we had to.
Big-chest took his right hand, hit the head of one of the squatters as he was about to stand, and his head flopped like a dead fish out of water; flopping back and forth, as if to jump back into the creek. The other one tried to get to his weapon, but Big-chest picked him up by one leg, his penis showing, they all liked covering them up for some reason, and Big-chest just laughed, and tossed him into the fire, after twisting him about for a few seconds, breaking the leg in several places I expect. Then one of the two standing routed himself through the woods yelling something like, “hhhh eel pppp...!!” Not sure what that meant. The last one, I call him the brave one, pulled out a sharp object, about the length of his hand, and stood in front of Big-chest as if he was going to fight him. He looked similar to a banana compared to him. I asked myself, ‘is he crazy, run! And run fast, while you can.’ Big-chest just looked dumfounded at the figure in front of him, and picked him up, picked up the seven food lionesses, and put her over his shoulder, the crazy Stone-Builder charged at him during this event and Big-chest with a quick turn, knocked the man on the ground with the man-eater still well balanced over his shoulder. Then like a dead fish, he kicked him in the mid section, sweeping him into the fire. He could not move.
Early winter
We had no way of knowing which winter would be good to us or bad for us, and winter this one year had come early, and therefore our food supply was depleted rather quickly. When Little-eyes and I returned back to the cave that evening we had told in our symbolic way, at the Banana Cave, the entire horde how Big-chest killed the Eve people. And you could hear the laughing for miles around. I think Big-chest had taken his trophy to a cave in our area, and was having dinner at the time. We liked anyone who could out smart the Stone-people, they were smug and we were helpless compared to them, most of the time. And so it felt good if anything. But our surprise would come in the morning.
Morning
In the morning when several of us looked out our cave, in the center of the canyon style area, we seen half a lion torn open, in the center, it was a treasure, and all of us quickly ran to eat what meat Big-chest had left for us. Big-chest was not always so generous, but for some odd reason, he knew we were starving for some protean, and our bodies where starting to show our ribs. Aimless to say, this never happened again, but we all gave Big-chest a smile as we walked proudly out of our cave-canyon.
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Vasectomy is a surgical procedure that provides a permanent form of birth control for men. There are two tubes in the penis, known as vasa deferentia, which carry sperm from testicles to the seminal fluid. Under Vasectomy, these two tubes are severed and sealed. Once the surgical procedure is through, your semen will become sperm-free. It means now when you ejaculate during sexual intercourse with a woman, she will not get pregnant. The biggest problem with this method of birth control is that you cannot get it reversed. Therefore, you must understand it pros and cons before going for the same.
Is this method suitable for you?
In order to determine if this method is suitable for you, it is very important that both you and your partner agree to have a permanent form of birth control. There can be other reasons too, where vasectomy can make a good option. For example, the health condition of your partner has made pregnancy unsafe for her, or you and your partner are not comfortable to use other methods for birth control. On the other hand, there can be many factors that make vasectomy unsuitable for you. For example, if you are unsure about having children in the future, or you are single, divorced or separated. Also, many people think that they will get the vasectomy reversed when they want more children. Well, let me tell you frankly, vasectomy cannot be reversed by any means. Therefore, keeping in view all the things, you have to take your decision very carefully.
Result of Vasectomy
More than 99% cases of vasectomy are normally successful. That is the reason why it is considered as one of the most effective forms of birth control. However, you must keep in mind that after the surgery is done; you can have sex only after three days. Moreover, the sperm still remain in little quantity in the ducts leading to your penis, which flush out completely only after 20-25 ejaculations. Therefore, if you go for unprotected intercourse before that you may make your partner pregnant. The best way to deal with this situation is to use a back up method for birth control until you have a semen analysis. Meanwhile, you need to have two tests. Once the test confirms that there is no sperm in the ejaculation, the vasectomy can be safely relied upon for contraception.
Risks
Although 99% cases of vasectomy are successful but in rare cases it may cause certain complications also, such as infection in the incision site (causing redness and swelling), bleeding within the scrotum that may cause painful swelling, scrotal pain etc. However, all these complications can easily be treated. Just call, your doctor and they will suggest you some precautions and treatments. There are certain other signs and symptoms too, which require you to consult your doctor. Such things may include fever, swelling that worsens or does not go down, difficulty in urination, a marbled sized lump in your scrotum, etc.
Overall, vasectomy is certainly very effective form of birth control, but before you take a final decision, do keep in mind the above things.
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Also known as Condyloma, the genital wart is a sexually transmitted disease giving rise to wart shape bumps on the sexual organs. As the name suggests, genital warts are eruptions on the sex organs that are caused by transmitting of a virus during anal, vaginal or oral sex. Once the virus is passed, the bumps start appearing on the penis, in and around vagina or sometimes on the opening of the womb.
Most people who are infected by the genital wart virus are not even aware of it. This is because the virus is not strong enough to create any warts that can be seen on the surface of the penis. But in cases where the virus has a strong presence, it can be observed on the penile skin and passed from one body to another through skin contact during sexual activity.
In addition, rare possibilities of getting a genital wart by using an infected towel or from pregnant women to their babies also exist.
Prevention:
Experts have time and again stated that genital warts can be serious. In most cases they are painless but are definitely not appreciated on the sex organs or around them. Without a doubt, couples or individuals who are sexually active need to take more precautions than others to avoid genital warts altogether. In a few odd cases, women having a genital wart cervix eventually become prone to cancer.
As an ideal precautionary measure it is advisable to have a regular Pap smear test done by a clinical expert every six months on an average. This makes a person more secure, which is also beneficial to a great extent for the partner of that individual. The situation becomes all the more critical if one is pregnant and needs to be reported at the earliest. Using a condom while doing sex is not only an effective method of avoiding occurrence of genital warts but is also a good means of safe sex.
Cervical cancer may not be a prospective threat if you are not a chain smoker and believe in celibacy to some extent. Multiple sex partners, excessive smoking, sexual intercourse at an early age and a history of HIV infection are signs to be taken care of. A doctor can examine and trace any patches of genital warts by swabbing the skin with acetic acid. This results in formation of white patches on the defective skin.
Genital Wart Treatment:
Cyrotherapy is a good means of removing the warts by freezing them or by using a laser. However, you must realize that genital warts need to be distinguished from the warts that generally appear on the hands. Thus, using chemicals without any prescription can be dangerous for the genital skin.
Minor surgeries are a good option if the doctor has tried laser treatment and freezing. The duration of treatment depends on the degree and number of genital warts. If the virus is a relatively new entrant in the body then the treatment duration is comparatively less and otherwise it may take months to heal. If you have any queries in this regard then contact your doctor and avoid the build-up of these unwanted warts.
Even after the initial treatment is over, you cannot be sure that warts will not bother you again. This is due to the fact that the treatment only removes the genital warts, but does not remove the virus once you are exposed to it. The virus remains in the skin even after the treatment. It is therefore repeatedly recommended to use rubber condoms while doing sex, be it vaginal or anal.
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A person who is sexually very active and satisfied means he will live a long and healthy life. This is a proven fact, a man with happy sexual life lives longer compared to those who are unable to reach that level of sexual satisfaction. Perhaps this is a logical deduction from the new found fact that impotence is not a disease in itself, rather a symptom to more serious health conditions.
Researches on the anatomy of erection explain that penile erection is sustained by trapping the blood in the penis. Erectile dysfunction is not subjected to low libido or ejaculation problems; rather, it is mainly a problem with the blood flow into the penis. And blood flow is affected by many factors like ageing, diabetes mellitus, hypertension or high blood pressure, substance abuse, low testosterone levels, cigarette smoking, cardiovascular diseases, nerve or spinal cord damage and medications. There are mental problems associated with ED; these are stress, depression and anxiety. If these physical and mental conditions do not occur, men will obviously be able to live long and will also have a sexually active life.
People are going gaga about PDE5 inhibitors and their unending potential to save the human race from several physical conditions. Viagra, Levitra and Cialis have captivated the medical intelligentsia who are investigating the possibilities of PDE5 inhibitors as life saving drugs. When it comes to Levitra, Vardenafil Hydrochloride, scientists have agreed upon its molecular strength and impact on cardiovascular conditions and hypertension. Reports show that Levitra is far more effective in patients of erectile dysfunction with diabetes as well as high blood pressure. Doctors, scientist and researchers as well as the patients who have used all the PDE5 inhibitor drugs available in the market, have accepted that Levitra can give a strong erection under tough conditions.
If a person is suffering from erectile dysfunction for no matter what physical conditions, he should try Levitra at least for once. There is no reason for anyone to live with depression for the rest of his life…with a shattered ego and battered manhood. It was medically proved that Vardenafil can even help in erectile dysfunction induced by the medications used to treat hypertension.
Levitra is a medicine that can invigorate your sexual life and give you ultimate bliss. But before you use Levitra, it is important for you to consult a doctor and get a thorough physical check up done, to understand the real cause behind your sexual dysfunction. Based on your physical condition, your doctor will prescribe Levitra dosage for best results. Again, if you wish to know in detail about erectile dysfunction and Levitra and its functionalities, there are websites available on which you can read a lot about Levitra and the cures it offers.
It is time to say ‘good bye’ to your erectile dysfunction and enjoy your sexual life to the fullest and live longer. Why worry when Levitra is here!
