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I really don’t know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say.
It initially played like any other night really. Once again, I was tossing and turning, in and out of sleep. I was half awake, mulling over my job situation: I want to make money writing but I need an income more. Then the most bizarre thing happened.
“Hey human Bob! This is your best friend speaking! Wake up!”
Who the hell was that? It was a deep, low voice; strong and certain with a hint of a bourbon induced slur. Sounded like Dean Martin actually. I immediately sat up. It was pitch black. The radio clock blurred 3:53 in a dull crimson light. All I could make out was the shadowy outline of Parker, my trusty beagle, sitting upright at my feet.
“Hey boy, did you hear that?” I whispered instinctively. “Someone’s in the house.”
My vision was starting to warm up to the darkness. Parker just stared back at me, his head tilted, his long ears hanging to the side of his head like hand towels on a wall. He turned his head to the bedroom doorway, lifted his nose to the night and sniffed. He turned back to face me.
“Don’t think so.”
I swore Parker spoke but it couldn’t be. I mean his hound drawn lips seemed to move to the words I heard but that was impossible.
“Who’s there?” I yelled into the night. “Whoever it is, I am warning you that I am at this moment retrieving my loaded double-barrel twelve gauge from under the bed. I will shoot you. So leave now and I want to hear the door slam behind you.”
I made some dumb noises in a lame attempt to fool the intruder into believing what I had just proclaimed. I took the ruse to the next level.
“Okay. I’m fully armed and about to call 911 from my fully powered cell phone. Oh yeah, strong signal, four bars. Oh yeah, this is going to be a very clear 911 call.”
“You’re breaking me up. Put the phone down human Bob.”
It was Parker talking. I was certain of it. Nah, it had to be a sick trick.
“Okay, good one Steve. You wired up the dog with a little speaker. Very funny.”
My brother Steve was known to go to great lengths to pull off pranks. But I was pretty sure he was at his apartment in the city, sixty miles away, God knows doing what, and at 48 years old, unlikely to suddenly bother me with a prank—it had been 25 years since his last one. But the mind scrambles to the most implausible scenarios when so duly challenged.
“Don’t think so. Nope it’s me, Parker,” the dog mumbled.
I was positive he spoke again. By now I was sitting straight up, leaning towards him. He just sat there and looked at me with those big dark eyes. His poker face was on.
“Parker? Are you talking to me?”
“Well I’m not talking to myself.”
I leaned back against the headboard. He yawned.
“This can’t be. I’ve got to stop watching Animal Planet.”
“Listen, I’ve got something to say and I’m not sure how long this talking stuff is going to work so …”
“You are talking!” I interrupted incredulously.
“Should you want I bow wow?”
“Holy cow! Parker you are talking.”
“Yup. But I’m not sure for how long. So can I say a few things before …”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Yeah I know. Either can I but if you don’t mind.”
I looked at him with a giant smile plastered across my face. Parker can talk. The dog was talking. Who was I kidding? It had to be a prank. He continued.
“I’ve been listening to a lot of that talk radio and that C-SPAN channel you watch while you write. I’m here to tell ya I don’t like what I’m hearing.”
“You’re kidding me right?”
“Afraid not.”
Oh this was good. I was really hallucinating. Talk-shmalk, I had a few nagging questions of my own.
“Hey, can I ask you something before you get to your stuff?”
“Make it quick. I haven’t got all night.”
“You like smell things a hundred times more than we do, right?”
“Four hundred.”
“Okay, four hundred. Wow! Then I really wonder about this.”
“Yeah I know. Why do we like to sniff every morsel of excrement or yellow patch of urine we encounter on our walks?”
“Now that you bring it up, yeah, why? It must smell like the inside of Dick Cheney’s or Ted Kennedy’s septic tank? And you know how much crap they’re filled with.”
“That was a funny one human Bob. But it isn’t like what you smell. We pick up a lot more notes. It’s a broader pallet if you will. We don’t smell stink. We smell identity, mood, and illness. For instance, you know that crazy cairn terrier down the street?”
“Yeah.”
“She has stomach cancer and her humans don’t have a clue.”
“You are kidding me?”
“She probably has less than six months if they don’t get her to a vet soon.” He paused to lick his right front paw. “Yeah, and another thing. Don’t take me out at nights for awhile.”
“Why?”
“Cause there is a rabid possum living under the porch. That’s why.”
“You know this from the smell of possum poop?”
“Excrement.”
“Whatever.”
“Yup.” Parker yawned as if bored. “So is that it? Can I say what I need to say?”
“Well there is that thing you do with that licking your, you know, your …”
“Penis?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Jealous are we?”
“Well, it’s just that …”
“It’s all about keeping clean. Nothing pleasurable if that’s what you’re driving at. Nothing like what you do with your hand. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t pet me afterwards. Nope, no pleasure; it’s all business. You made sure of that when you had me “fixed”, remember. Thank you very much.”
“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea you knew any different.”
“No idea my butt. I’ll ‘no idea’ ya.” He paused again to lick his right paw again and then continued. “But I don’t hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges. Heck, if we did, we would have mauled most humans dead by now. Which brings me to why I am talking to you.”
“No grudges. Really? I mean that “fixing” stuff is pretty serious. That’s pretty good if that doesn’t bother you.”
“You done? Can I get to my concern?”
“Sure. Sorry. Go ahead.”
“How can humans be so smart supposedly, while they single handedly are destroying the Earth?”
“You mean global warming?”
“It’s more than that. It’s the air. It’s the water. It’s the dirt. It’s the forests. It’s the killing. It’s the anger. It’s the hate. It’s the grudges. It’s the fear. It’s everything.”
“Oh come on. You’re being a little dramatic.”
“We don’t know dramatic.”
“Well give me examples of what you mean.”
“First of all, the air is filled with danger. Dogs, cats, birds, animals of all kinds can smell it. It is our biggest topic when we get together.”
“I don’t smell a thing.”
“Yeah, that’s part of the problem. And you can’t taste the troubled water either.”
“Scientists don’t seem to be complaining. So I should be listening to a dog?”
“We have no agenda. Dogs call it as they smell it.”
“ ‘call it as they smell it’; I’m suppose to just accept that?”
“Yeah, there is a lot you should just accept.”
“Oh yeah, like what else?”
“Well, and here is what I think is the crux of the problem, you keep choosing the wrong alpha humans.”
“What?”
“You’ve got this alpha thing all wrong. Just because animals order their packs based on physical size and strength doesn’t make it so for humans. We do it because we are simple. You do it because you are thoughtless. That’s what we, and I think it is fair to say I am speaking for all animals, don’t get. Humans are able to think things through. But they never do. Well, that’s not completely true; some have but they are mocked or marginalized.
An alpha dog barks and gets all puffy, like that wacky shepherd Sarge from around the block. The worst he can do is break out of his electronic fence and charge one of us. But you humans take it up a notch.”
“Can you give me a for instance?”
“God there are so many. Let me see. Okay, you’ve elected a president who pounds his chest and walks around like a gorilla with its arms all out to the side, all tough and all, carrying on with ‘bring it on’. When he jumps the fence, he brings tanks and bombs and humans loaded down in weapons and in body armor. Meanwhile, you have alpha males all over the place, flexing their muscle in their packs, threatening to obtain nuclear weapons, the great equalizer, giving the president one excuse after another to hop the fence. It’s nuts. And I for one am telling you, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything. Just start picking the right alpha humans; humans whose visions see beyond fighting, whose hearts hold no grudges, whose thoughts and reasons are not the products of testosterone, whose collective knowledge is rooted in the concept that true peace is never the consequence of war but the outcome of constant learning, negotiating and adjusting.”
“This is what you want to tell me? Nothin’ for nothin’ but it’s a little heavy for a little chat with a dog at 3:30 in the morning.”
“In a nut shell, yeah.”
It was hard to accept this from my beagle. I mean, he’s a dog; a sleeping, eating, sniffing, crapping dog. I was chalking this whole episode up to stress. I was apparently snapping.
“That’s it. I’m pretty much done. Just one last thing while I have the chance.”
“What? World hunger? String theory?” I asked sarcastically.
“You get the right alpha humans and the world hunger thing will take care of itself, smart ass. As far as string theory, who do you think I am, Hawking? I’m just a dog. No it’s more pedestrian than that, something I think you can manage.”
“Then what, already?” I asked impatiently.
“You know that thing you do occasionally where you empty the dish washer in the buff.”
“Ummm … yeah I guess.”
“Put some clothes on. It’s disturbing. I’m beggin’ ya, please!”
“All right, but only if you lick your privates in private.”
“I’ll see what I can do. No promises.”
“So this is it? No more talking? You know we could make a fortune on Letterman with his stupid pet tricks.”
“It’ll never happen. You see, this is a one time deal. Not sure why or how this is happening. Maybe that God guy is involved somehow. All I know is that when it is done, it is …” He abruptly stopped talking.
“Parker?”
Not a grunt. He yawned and as he did he stretched his front legs out and spread across the foot of the bed, his ears resting flat on the blanket.
“Parker … are you done? Is that it?”
He slowly closed his eyes and floated off to sleep.
“Parker … just like that?”
He began to twitch; in hot pursuit of a fox I imagined.
“Holy smokes. I must be dreaming myself.”
I curled back down under the safety of my covers, scratched my butt and thought about the conversation I had just had with Parker or myself or both. I sniffed the air. It smelled fine to me. What the heck was he talking about, ‘danger in the air’? It had to be a dream.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about getting a real job real soon, apparently this writing stuff was getting the best of me. I also made a point to remember to talk to the owners of that crazy cairn terrier. I thought it was the least I could do. One can’t be too dismissive of the unexplainable these days.
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A sub-standard erection can be a very frustrating thing, particularly if it happens with regularity. But there are steps that can be taken and that is the purpose of this article, to give well informed advice on how to achieve harder erections every time.
Almost all the factors behind a sub-standard erection are temporary and can quite easily be rectified so that the problem is a thing of the past.
One of the most common reasons for not having harder erections is alcohol. People like to have a few drinks to loosen up before they engage in sexual intercourse and this will stop you getting harder erections.
Alcohol dulls the all the nerves between the penis and the brain making it impossible for the brain to send the chemical signals that tell the hormones to activate the blood flow to the penis.
When you are trying to achieve a harder erection the first thing you should remember is not to focus on the task at hand. Just as a watched kettle never boils, a watched penis never rises!
All focusing on the problem does is make it harder for you to focus on erotic thoughts which will make it even harder to get a harder erection.
There are many factors which will inhibit harder erections and not surprisingly most of them revolve around the circulation of blood. Doing exercise of any type will ensure better circulation and hence harder erections but there are a few that stand out from the pack.
Any exercises that will increase blood flow to the extremities of the body are the best, and ones that increase it to the muscle and blood vessels are optimal.
One thing you can try is when you have an erection you can hang small amounts of weight from your penis and clench the anal muscles which will make the penis rise and lift the weight.
Just like any other muscle in the body it will grow when this happens and the result will be a stronger penis with harder erections.
Smoking can also be a major factor in the quest for a harder erection because the particles introduced to the body by smoking are gathered in the fine blood vessels that are in places in the body like the eyes and the penis.
The basic aim of doing all these things is to increase the volume of blood that the corpora cavernosa can contain. The corpora cavernosa is the collection of tiny blood vessels in the penis that are responsible for about ninety percent of the erection.
Even small increases or decreases in the amount of blood you can get into this spongy apparatus will have a big impact on the hardness of your erection.
One thing to remember is that you cannot raise the volume capabilities of your corpora cavernosa with a vacuum pump like so many advertisements claim.
All you will end up with is a bill for fifty dollars and a swollen penis that will go down in half an hour.
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Sexual desire is one of the most essential and indispensable part and the most beautiful of our life. It is really very hard to hold back the desire of having sex. But there are many times when conditions do not support man for having sexual intercourse. One such condition is when the person is suffering from the problem called ‘erectile dysfunction’. This quote of ‘18 till I die’ has become a target for almost all men above forty suffering from erectile dysfunction or ED. And why not so! This is the age when the hormones are on their edge all the time and there is no problem whatsoever in doing what you want whether it is getting an erection or having sex with someone. But as the age passes, things also start to show their weaknesses.
This is the time when man comes into the trap of erectile dysfunction. This ends an epoch of romance, passion and above all intimacy in relationship of couples. Not only this, because of erectile dysfunction and impotency, marriages has been wrecked, couples have split and individuals shattered. Erectile dysfunction is the inability of a man to uphold or reach an erection needed to satisfy his partner’s sexual needs. It is visible in the men in their early fifties. Generally, it is caused by damage of nerves, arteries, smooth muscles, and fibrous tissues. High blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, kidney or liver disease, other vascular conditions, cigarette smoking, and too much alcohol drinking, are also in charge for restricting sufficient blood-flow into the vessels of the penis, and causing ED. It is very important to treat ED on time because it may lead to low self-esteem, sexual failure anxiety, and depression, stress and guilt and relationship clashes. Most of the men throughout the world suffering from ED now rely on a drug called viagra.
It not only assists a man in getting an erection but also help in maintaining it throughout the process of intercourse. Since it’s beginning and sanctioned by FDA in 1998, brand drug viagra has been a blessing to men suffering from the trauma of erectile dysfunction. Viagra has changed the lives of millions of men suffering from ED. This modification has not only brought back sex in lives of millions of ed victims, but has also added a fresh glow in affairs giving a second chance to ignite their restrained emotions. Being the first marketed anti-ed drug, viagra is also referred as king medicine for ED. Being a king drug of ED, there is worldwide consumers of viagra amid the age set of 18-65.
Viagra comes under the class of drug called phosphodiesterase inhibitors, it controls and blocks an enzyme called phosphodiesterase-5 (pde-5), and helps the smooth muscles in the penis to get relaxed and widen, and that permits additional blood to run to the penis ensuing in faster and easier erection. Scientifically speaking, viagra which is an oral therapy for ED, is the citrate salt of sildenafil, which is a selective inhibitor of cyclic guanosine monophosphate-specific phosphodiesterase type 5 (pde5). Sildenafil is the main component of viagra, which blocks the activity of an enzyme, called phosphodiesterase type 5 (pde5), which is active in multiple tissues and cells. The effects of pde5 inhibition include improved production of nitric oxide, which is linked with enhanced functioning of the heart and blood vessels.
Its dosage may fluctuate from person to person depending on the seriousness of their problem, but the most recommended dose is 50mg, some user may need the dose of 100mg if they fail to get the desired result on 50 mg pill. After consuming this pill, it may take half an hour to begin its work and the effect of single dose of viagra may last up to 4 hours. It should be taken an hour before sexual activity. But being a prescription drug it is advised and requested to take this pill as per doctor’s prescription. Viagra is not any aphrodisiac that can be used by anybody and certainly not meant for women or children. Viagra does not cure impotency and does not provide prevention from sexually transmitted diseases including aids. It is a cure only for erectile dysfunction. People using viagra may experience some mild side effects like headache, back pain, flushing, indigestion, stomach upset, diarrhea, stuffy nose, blurred vision, color blindness of blue and green, and increase light sensitivity but all these troubles become extinct away in few hours once the drug is dissolved in the blood. But, occasionally prolonged abnormal, painful erections medically known as priapism also occurs. In this case, user must consult with a doctor as soon as possible.
With the advancement in technology and growing use of the Internet, now anyone can buy viagra online. Some may feel uncomfortable buying viagra from the counter directly. They can use this option of buying viagra online very effectively. Not only this, you can save your money and time ordering medicine online, as pharmacy provides viagra cheaper than normal pharmacy stores. So what are you waiting for, try viagra today and bring back all the joys of your sexual health and family life that you had been missing for so long.
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The moment was demanding, her looks inviting, and the foreplay electrifying but when the time came to ignite, the spark was missing.
Sex, the word itself is enough to quicken pulse and increase blood circulation. It is an incredible experience, fantabulous stress reliever; a good sex provides immense satisfaction, increases intimacy, creates an unending bond. But for many good sex, frequent sex and satisfying sex remains an elusive day dream.
Gratifying sex remains a familiar problem for most men around the world and erectile dysfunction is the most widespread cause to blame for failure in bed. In most cases this remains a temporary problem, but in some cases it’s an ongoing problem and ends up hurting a man’s self esteem and breaking his relationship with his partner.
The problem becomes more vulnerable with age, its familiar in people aged above forty. Nearly 25% of men face this embarrassing situation at some point in life but it becomes a serious issue if it is rampant.
ED is the inability to sustain erection necessary to gratify sexual urge, its not a sexual problem, physical, mental as well as psychological factors contribute to ED, age being the most prominent one. The best part is that it’s treatable at any stage and in all ages.
Cialis has been a great contributor in eradicating the problem of erectile dysfunction, and providing millions with the desired sexual pleasure. The FDA approved Cialis hit the market in 1998 along with Viagra and Levitra.
• Cialis is safe and gentle ways to re- ignite the desire, the excitement and the sexual response that make sex wonderful and rewarding.
•Cialis or Tadafil is phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitor, while sexual stimulation, it helps the blood vessels in the penis to relax, resulting in flow of blood which causes erection.
• Take Cialis 30 minutes to 12 hours before sex and enjoy its 36 hours long-lasting effect, it provides you surplus time to plan and enjoy all your fantasies.
• Cialis is available in 5mg, 10mg and 20mg tablets; the maximum recommended dosing frequency is once per day.
• The most familiar adverse effects of Cialis include Headache, Myalgia dyspepsia/upset stomach, back pain.
• Cialis is strictly restricted for women.
• Keep medicine out of the reach of children.
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We're sure you'll agree with us that it's not so simple. We all need something more. After the candlelight dinner is cleared, the song completed and the flowers placed securely in a vase, you still need the mood for love!
That's what we have found out in our search for the mood for love. Instead, we are glad this day to bring you the distilled essence of what we believe should help both you and the voluptuous woman of your life get into the mood for love.
Mood for love secret # 1 – you’ll need the correct music, song and singer for both of you! Otherwise, one of you (or even both of you) may be thinking of another person, or worse still, another sexy image that the song and music have been crafted to evoke. That will not help you or your darling, because, as we have found out, both of you must be able to infuse each other's most engrossing and pervasive desires. Yours and your sweetheart's desires, not those of another person or even media image!
It’s worthwhile making the effort to discover the correct music or song that will help both of you to focus on each other. Bring your sweetheart to the CD shops, or find a website that will enable both of you to really find a music or song recording that you find is mutually enjoyable. That will really set both of you on an interesting path of discovery.
Next, don’t neglect the place for you to explore with your sweetheart your mutual, most enthralling desires. Mood for love secret #2 – find the correct surroundings that will bring out the mood for love for both of you. This may not be that easy to find nowadays, since we are truly assailed with all sorts of music, sounds, colours, activities and programs just about everywhere we go! But we are convinced that finding the correct place that both of you will like, which will help both of you to focus on each other, is not really that difficult.
You can find a suitable place, just take heart and find it – and get your woman to come with you! So we’ll leave you now to make this journey with the woman you love….
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